Folks, tommorow is the 4th of July. In case you forgot how to party or somethin’ stupid like that, we gave you a shorthand list to help you get the MOST out of your day of freedom. You’re gonna need some liquor & drugs.




Once you have some drugs, you’ll probably want to share them with some ladies. But have you looked at yourself lately? Drugs alone aren’t gonnna get those ladies running to you. You need to do some peacocking. Try dancing.


Stand up for yourself. Surely a large part of attracting the ladies is being handsome & confident. These are also important parts of being free. Being free means not taking shit from ANYBODY. Here’s an expert guide to being a real piece of shit to another human.

Of course if anyone tries these dick moves on you… Well, let’s just say you should know what to do.



So that’s it! Take drugs, dance and exact revenge on any motherfucker that even looks at you crosseyed. This will result in maximum ladies, handsomeness and freedom. Or something like that. Keep yer eyes on the prize!