The Whore Church | Merchants of Awful

Things that make sense if you’re drunk.

Posted on March 10, 2011 by Roil Vulture

Y’know when you’re in that stage of drunk where you’re super talkative and you have those ENDLESS conversations? You’re probably chatting with the one guy at the party that speaks spanish and always has good weed and you’re having this “interesting conversation” but you’re ACTUALLY just talking about what you like on your pizza and who on the dance floor has a nice ass. Fuck! Everytime! But that makes SENSE when your drunk. So doesn’t all this shit.

It’s thirsty thursday, we suggest you drink beers till that creature from the black lagoon starts dancing to M83 and those topless ladies start dancing with YOU.

Posted in Music Video, tits | Tagged beers, chewbacca, creature from the black lagoon, M83, The Whore Church, thirsty thursday, tits, topless girls, weed, whore church | Leave a comment

Ahhhh the good ol’ days..

Posted on March 9, 2011 by SleazeeVulture

Kids programing in the late 80s and early 90s was pretty shitty. They did hit on a few key elements that any kid would be totally fucking into though. I think any television show/monster truck rally/baptism/etc. can be made better by adding any of the following elements. Try it out and let me know how it goes.

First up, pies….lots of fucking pies…
You ain’t shit unless you have pies. Kids love pies, hitting people with them, throwing them, eating them…whatever. Get some pies on your show and you are good as gold.

Slime
Same thing as pies, this stuff is serious business! If you can work in pies AND slime, shit man, you’ve got a hit!

Kids dumping stuff on other kids
What’s not to love?! There is no better way to celebrate a win, than to pour a bunch of shit on your loser opponents head.

Dumb kids
Nuff said?

Really dumb kids
I blame the parents.

Ecto Cooler
While we’re at it lets bring back Ecto Coolers. Most TV shows look cooler after you’ve had 13 of these things to drink and downed a couple dozen pixie sticks. Trust me.

Actually, after watching all these clips, I’ve realized all this shit sucks…Never mind, I don’t want this stuff back.

Posted in Misc, Video | Tagged 90s, ecto cooler, gack, hi-c, mark summers, nick, Nickelodeon, pies, slime, what would you do, wild and crazy kids, zeke the plumber | Leave a comment

I’ll keep it forever.

Posted on March 8, 2011 by Roil Vulture

Some Tattoos are funny or awesome

And some tattoos fucking SUCK

Some Tattoo’s are ABOUT buttholes

And some tattoo’s are just ON buttholes

If you don’t have any tattoos you’re gonna need some. If you are a gay man who’s into satan, fire and pentagrams and are just DYIN’ to show the world, don’t go the same road as THAT^DUDE because c’mon… Nobody wants to see your burnt out calamari ring when they ask to see your “ink.”