Stranger than fiction

The world is a fuckin’ weird place. And we here at the whore church, we’re a couple a fuckin’ weird dudes posting pictures and videos of weird shit. But ain’t nothing weirder than reality. Truth is often times stranger than fiction

Officer: “Here’s a ticket for $1,000 kid.”
You: “Aw man.. Why?”
Officer: “Your rims are too fucking small.”

Karaoke R.Kelly makes me lose CONTROL

Yeah you know, putting a shirt on IS a fucking waste. Good call.

“That’s a huuuuuuuuge bitch!”

I’d have thrown a ‘totally’ in there. Like, “TOTALLY AWESOME COUGARS”

Fuck man.. Fuck.
A: Good one
B: How the fuck old are you? Shouldn’t you be playing black ops or something?

How heinous is your muddy calamari ring that you get FLIES? FLIES!!!

When a tranny tells you ‘hit this henny’ DO NOT HIT THAT HENNY!

When being a totally useless fat piece of shit, it’s important to STAY a totally useless fat piece of shit. Standing up, taking a few steps… That only burns calories.

Officer: “What did I tell you about those rims?? STILL too fucking small! Jail!”
You: “You guys have pizza?”

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Bukowski

A shithead drunk genius poet, we love Bukowski even when he is too drunk to speak or ends up doing something pretty shitty. Today would be his birthday but he is a dead son of a bitch now, so all we can do is crack some beers and realize we all will soon be dead too. These 36 beers are for you bud.



Bluebird-
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
you.
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he’s
in there.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
weep, do
you?






I mean shit, he’s in Supervan! If you don’t like Supervan you can get the fuck out.



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Norm Macdonald. Funny person of distinction.

It all starts with a joke…

Norm Macdonald is the funniest motherfucking turd in the world. You don’t hear from him for long period of time and then BLOOP! Here’s Norm! With the best fucking delivery of stupid jokes you have EVER heard! He’s like everybodies slightly drunk uncle at parties with the long jokes except Norm’s material KILLS and doesn’t hit on your little sister* So Norm, this bud’s for you! (*may actually hit on your little sister.)


“He’ll no longer be Michael Jackson the child molesting superstar, but Michael Jackson the song stealer.”




“He took away my chainsaw! Now he’s using it on me!”

As a matter of fact, you should probably just WATCH dirty work today.



Quentin is a douche.. with a head as big as the elephant man’s.


No, that IS funny. I got to go download and watch dirty work now, laugh it up the rest of your monday ya knuckle heads!

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